For Indian American youngsters, a two month break often means a long trip halfway around the world. But rather than leaving home, they are just visiting another home.
I can’t quite express how happy I am for summer to arrive. The burdens of junior year made the past few months feel like the very definition of doom and gloom. And yet, for all the excitement that June and July now have to offer, I am reminded of a time when I didn’t quite feel the same. Many moons ago, summer didn’t feel like an escape; in fact, I resented the end of the school year. No, it wasn’t because I was a total nerd… well, OK, not just because of that.
So, why the drama you may ask? Well, for me, summers meant two months, eight weeks, and sixtyone days in India. While my friends went to the beach and had sleepovers, I felt like I was shipped across the world. The twelve-hour time difference meant limited opportunity for the esteemed middle school gossip sessions, and India’s notoriously spotty Wi-Fi meant doing acrobatics across a tiny apartment just to finish a ten-minute FaceTime call. In other words, I was constantly plagued by FOMO. But fear of missing out what? When I returned and it was time for show and tell, I heard my classmates speak of voyages to the Grand Canyon and adventures in the Big Apple. My trips to India couldn’t compare. I mean, what was I supposed to share—memories of Arjun Uncle pinching my cheeks? And forget about personal space!
Alpharetta High School junior Mrunmayee Chakote shares a similar experience, explaining that for her the lack of freedom made summers in India feel restrictive and lonely. While Mrunmayee had to wait for family to take her out, she envied the fact that her friends back home could spontaneously plan trips to Six Flags and Lake Lanier. “Sometimes when I was in India, I felt disconnected from the U.S.… and when I came back at the start of the school year, I felt like I’d missed out on so much.” Experiences like those often created a sense of isolation—having, as she puts it, one “foot in the U.S. while the other is in India.” And that purgatory state truly is a tale as old as time. We Indian American teenagers understand the feeling of being physically present in one place, while our heart is 8,000 miles away.
However, to be truthful, we weren’t just “missing out” on our lives back in America. We were also losing a life in India. What made part of those summer trips so difficult was seeing a life you could have had with family and friends. Living in the U.S., as Mrunmayee explains, it’s easy to feel jealous when friends have such strong connections with their family. “Going to India and seeing that my cousins get that same experience too kind of stings. There have been so many weddings, baby showers, holidays, and birthdays I’ve had to miss—and it can feel conflicting sometimes.” Those moments are often salt in the wound, creating the feeling of being a tourist in a country that is supposed to be your own.
Yet, while I originally thought my heart resided in the U.S., as I look now to college and a life farther from the comfort of home, I wonder if that’s truly the case. With summer internships and college applications, it’s been harder and harder to make time to visit India, and I guess I’m living the life I once dreamed of. But while sleepovers with friends are fun, I can’t help but compare those moments to late night masti with cousins. The concrete jungles are spectacular, but they really are no match for the bumpy, rickshaw-filled sadaks of Mumbai. And puh-lease, no hot dog will ever compare to the possibly contaminated pani puris from ELCO. In other words, I can’t help but cherish those summers in India I once hated. And it’s not just me who feels that way. Mrunmayee shares that she now looks forward to summers and spending time with her family: “I’ve started to understand how valuable and limited our time is together. I’ve learned to appreciate my visits and count myself lucky that I can go back to my country so often.”
I understand now that those trips compose the tight rope that Indian American teenagers teeter upon, the rope that keeps us grounded in reality as opposed to what could’ve been. They build the connections that surpass oceans and are kept alive by WhatsApp calls. We love both where we are now as well as where we come from. Mrunmayee perfectly sums it up, explaining how summer vacations in India create familial bonds and “prove that we’re really not all that different from each other.”
And so, this summer, I relish the opportunity to escape the U.S. Because while I once thought I was abandoning home, I realize now I’m just returning to another one. How lucky we all are to be surrounded by double the love!
Column host Gia Agarwal is an 11th- grader who, when not crushing it in her advanced writing classes, is out there living every book lover’s dream. She can be reached at TeenTalk@Khabar.com.