Emotional Security - Why Is It Important?
The following is a transcription of a spoken discourse. To maintain the style and authenticity of Sadhguru’s spoken words, we have retained the original language instead of conforming it to our standard style book.
A husband came home one day, and the next day was his wife’s birthday. He said, “Honey, what do you want for your birthday? A BMW, a mink coat or a yacht?” She said, “I don’t want any of those things. I want a divorce.” He said, “I was not thinking of anything that expensive.” A lot of people do not see divorce as a bad thing. Their ideas of freedom are only getting them into deeper entanglement. Probably nowhere else in the world do women have as much physical freedom as American women. But probably nowhere else in the world, women are as tense, nervous and agitated as women are in America.
An Idea of Freedom
This is not freedom. This is only an idea of freedom, which is not going well. This definitely does not mean that we should go back to those tyrannical days where women were exploited. It is just that you should have a more mature idea of freedom—something that will work. An idea is worthwhile only if it works and produces results. If it is breaking people and half the population is on anti-depressants, it is obviously not working.
It does not matter how educated and intellectual you think you are; emotion is still a strong dimension of who you are. When emotions arise, they become the most powerful thing in you. Your thoughts are not that powerful. Even if pleasant emotions are not that strong, at least anger, fear and anxiety are. These are all emotions gone bad.
Whether you work somewhere, do business, or marry a rich man—somehow you find a way to take care of your physical survival. But even if the physical survival is happening very well, if you are well-fed and well taken care of—let’s say you have a BMW, a mink coat and a yacht—still if your emotions are trampled upon, you cannot remain there. Not only is it important to work towards financial security, but society should work towards emotional security as well. That is missing in the U.S. right now—not just for women, even for men.
The Benefits of Having Material and Emotional Security in a Family
Right now, the community that does best in the universities of the United States is the Indian community. Next comes the Jewish community. Why is that? It is just that they have emotional security. Until they are 25 years of age, till they finish university, everything is taken care of for them. They do not have to fight for anything. Parents are committed to their children, and children are committed to them in turn. They do not have to handle any other aspect of life.
That is not so with other American children. By the time they finish university, they have already seen three boyfriends or six girlfriends—with all the emotional upheavals, jealousies, problems and struggles. Before they stand up on their feet, they have seen too much life, which is making them incapable.
What happens in the university need not determine everything, but it indicates that they are not performing well. The main reasons for that are the emotional upheavals that they go through from the age of 12 or 13, when they are dealing with things that they are not old enough to deal with. As a result, no one has any emotional security. Today, someone claims they love you; tomorrow morning they may go away with someone else. This fear, both in men and women, will not let them focus on doing anything.
Why Is Emotional Security Important?
Emotional security is an extremely important aspect for any human being and for any society to flourish. Unfortunately, due to a juvenile concept of freedom, we have lost this emotional security. That way, we are making people incapable of many things. There may be a percentage of the population who is strong enough to anyway go ahead and do things, but the majority become unstable. They are always afraid what will happen if they do something wrong. Let’s say you were supposed to go on a holiday this weekend, but you could not because you had something to do; you may get a divorce notice on Monday morning.
This may not be true in every home, but it is happening on a large scale. It is no more an individual but a social problem in the United States. Such problems are there in every society for a few individuals, but when it becomes a major social problem, when lots of people are facing similar issues, we have to see how to strengthen their emotional life. Without that, people cannot lead productive lives.
How to Build Emotional Security
Many couples come to our programs. If the husband or wife feels a little insecure, the first thing that will happen is that they do not want the other one to meditate. “What are you doing with your eyes closed?” It is just ridiculous. You are not running away; you are just closing your eyes. But this is the danger that once you close your eyes, you can go anywhere.
It is very important that a culture of commitment is brought back. The people who built the United States from scratch had stable lives. Without that, they could not have built this into a great nation because no man or woman can be truly productive when their emotions are all freaked out. A certain sense of emotional fulfillment is needed for human beings to function beautifully in life. Otherwise, they cannot—unless they have transcended these things and it does not matter to them anymore. If someone has reached that place in his life, then nothing matters.
Creating a Better Society with Emotional Security and Meditation
One of these things must happen to people—either they must become meditative, or they must have emotional security. Right now, with all the freedom they have, people are not having a good life. They are leading desperate lives. In the name of freedom, you have removed all the stop signs—that is how people live their lives. It is like the Indian road scene is happening to the American emotion. Everyone is going somewhere, no one knows where they are going—the only thing is they have to be free. In the name of freedom, you lose all structures that keep you on track.
If creating emotional security is not possible, the only way out is to make people meditative because it will take care of several aspects—it will settle the emotions, people will progress spiritually, and their brains will also work better.
| Sadhguru is a yogi, mystic, and visionary, and a prominent spiritual leader. An author, poet, and internationally renowned speaker, Sadhguru is the founder of Isha Foundation, a nonprofit organization dedicated to human wellbeing. (www.isha.sadhguru.org) |
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