Are Soulmates Real?
When people say “soul” they are referring to something beyond physicality. If there is something beyond the physical, would it need a mate? A mate comes in only when there is some sense of incompleteness. Whatever it is that you are referring to as soul—at least that one thing should be complete.
There is this idea that there is a soulmate somewhere—that God made one person just for you. But these days, every two years he keeps making one more person just for you. Obviously, God is making too many mistakes with you! There is no such thing. The soul does not need a mate, nor was some person made perfectly for you.
Why do people seek a relationship? It could be for physical reasons; we call that sexuality, and it can be quite beautiful. It could be for mental reasons; we call that companionship, and it can be beautiful too. It could be for emotional reasons; we call that love, and that has been legendarily extolled as the sweetest experience. Certainly, physical compatibility, companionship and love can make life wonderful; but if you are honest with yourself, you cannot deny the anxiety that follows such an arrangement. It is wise to be honest about the limitations and conditions within which a relationship operates. If you employ terms like “soulmate,” or proclaim that your relationship is “made in heaven,” disillusionment is inevitable.
If you have too many romantic delusions, even if you are married to the most wonderful person, it will definitely crash because you cannot delude yourself forever. If you want to live sensibly and joyfully, it is important to remember that marriage is a human arrangement, not a celestial one. Marriage can be a very pleasant experience as long as you know it is not the ultimate.
I am not being cynical about love. Love is one of the most beautiful qualities a human being is capable of. Many cultures have suppressed love; others have tried to export it to heaven. But love is of this planet, and it is deeply human. Why deny that?
Love does not need an object. Love is simply a quality. If the person you love is not in your physical presence, you are still capable of loving them. If the people you love cease to exist, you still continue to love them. Love is not about what you do. Love is the way you are. Love is simply life longing for itself. This longing is essentially to become all-inclusive and boundless. It is only when love becomes all-inclusive that you touch the boundless. And that is when you realize a simple truth: the soul does not need a mate. It never has.
How to know if you have found the right person?
It is true that certain karmic connections may draw people towards each other. This does not mean that these will be ideal relationships. There is no right person on this planet. If you put your heart into something, something may become wonderful. If you get into that kind of unrealistic mindset that you have found the right person, you will be soon disappointed. If you understand that you have your nonsense and they have their nonsense, we can adjust nonsense to nonsense and go on.
We must understand that relationships are formed for various needs. When you are going to someone with so many needs, you are going as a beggar, and a beggar cannot choose. If you really want to make a choice in this world, the first and foremost thing is you bring yourself to a place where your experience of life is just pleasant by yourself. Now, let us see what gets drawn to this one. If you are really wonderful, the best will happen to you in terms of career, marriage and relationships. Instead of trying to fix someone, if you make yourself so wonderful that everyone wants to be with you, then there is a choice.
You are not going to find any perfect person. If you invest a deep sense of involvement, something wonderful may happen, not because the other person is fantastic. You may have chosen the smartest person in the universe, but it could be a disaster. It does not matter even if you choose a fool. If you involve yourself, it can turn out very beautiful. Do not think in terms of this “made for each other” nonsense. Actually, you choose the opposite. But after a little bit of time, you slowly start expecting them to be just like you. This is a serious mistake. You should be glad they are different.
| Sadhguru is a yogi, mystic, and visionary, and a prominent spiritual leader. An author, poet, and internationally renowned speaker, Sadhguru is the founder of Isha Foundation, a nonprofit organization dedicated to human wellbeing. (www.isha.sadhguru.org) |
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