Those Aliens Keep Looking Down On Earth
The other day, there was another UFO sighting over America. And just a week or so later, on the planet of Serena, many galaxies away, the Minister of Intergalactic Affairs and other leaders gathered in the main chamber of the House of Serenity to hear a report from Ruba Pontuba, a heroic space traveler who had just returned from her second mission to Earth.
Minister: "Welcome back, most respected Ruba."
Ruba: "Thank you, most honorable minister. I am thrilled to be back. I can't tell you how much I missed being among civilized creatures."
Minister: "Is that so? It was my hope that humans would be quite civilized by now. This is a new millennium for them, is it not?"
Ruba (laughs uncontrollably for five minutes): "New millennium! Ha ha ha! Humans are no more civilized in the new millennium than they were in the old millennium. They still kill each other in great numbers, then refer to lions and tigers as ‘wild animals.'"
Minister: "You mean they haven't made any progress as a species?"
Ruba: "They've made a little progress in science and technology – mostly in helping teen-agers keep in touch with each other – but no progress whatsoever in peace and love. During my time on Earth, I witnessed hundreds of conflicts, including Israelis against Palestinians, Americans against Iraqis, Zidane against Materazzi."
Minister: "But don't humans want peace?"
Ruba: "Yes, most humans do want peace. They want it so much, they're willing to fight wars to achieve it."
Minister: "What about love? Don't humans love each other?"
Ruba: "Not as much as they love money. Most humans have one main goal in life: to get rich."
Minister: "But aren't they like us? Don't they want to become rich so they can help the less fortunate?
Ruba: "Well, I heard of one human who won the lottery and said, ‘The first thing I'm going to do is sponsor some children in Uganda.' But it turns out that those were HIS children. He was behind on his child support. Most humans, when they get rich, buy themselves a big house, a fancy car and new teeth. Some get new spouses, too."
Minister: "So what happens to the poor?"
Ruba: "Many of them struggle to survive. In some countries, they don't have enough food to eat."
Minister: "You mean there's a shortage of food on Earth?"
Ruba: "I thought there was, but then I visited America and saw people taking part in an eating contest. They were stuffing hotdogs down their throats, hoping to win a prize in this great new sport. A Japanese man won first place. He ate up his competition."
Minister: "Are there any poor people in America?"
Ruba: "Yes, there are. They get fed twice a year: at Thanksgiving and Christmas."
Minister: "So humans are killing each other and not sharing their food and wealth. Are they at least trying their best to eliminate deadly diseases?"
Ruba: "Yes, they are. America, for example, spent billions of dollars from its health budget to eliminate a ‘cancer' named Saddam. The American leader believes that Earth is now a much healthier planet."
Minister: "What on Earth is he drinking?"
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