Desi Satire
The Bollywood Movie Awards, held recently at the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island, NY, are now considered as prestigious as the Academy Awards. "I am thrilled about this achievement," organizer Kamal Dandona said. "It's a long time coming."
His excitement stems largely from an Esquire article that states that "with its gorgeous stars and numerous trophies, the BMAs are just like the Academy Awards, except for being as disorganized as a high school production."
A smiling Dandona said, "They are the first American publication to say that our awards are just like the Academy Awards. It is truly a wonderful achievement for us."
He issued a press release to the Indian media entitled "BMAs just like the Academy Awards, says Esquire magazine." The press release, printed verbatim in dozens of newspapers, included statements from several celebrities who have been honored at the Bollywood Movie Awards.
"The Bollywood Movie Awards are better than the Academy Awards," said action hero Steven Seagal. "They gave me an award in 2001 and they let me sing! The Academy Awards won't even let me in the building."
Fellow action hero Jean Claude Van Damme, who won the International Action Star award in 2004, was just as complimentary. "If you're a celebrity and you're willing to attend the Bollywood Movie Awards, they give you an award just for showing up," Van Damme said. "You can't beat that."
Veteran actor Danny Glover, who this year received the Outstanding Contribution to Global Entertainment award, noted that thousands of people in the movie industry vote to decide who wins an Oscar. "The Academy Awards are too scrupulous," he said. "I prefer the Bollywood Awards, because if Kamal Dandona wants to give you an award, he gives you one."
Also praising the Bollywood Movie Awards was George Foreman, expected to be next year's recipient of the Outstanding Contribution to Global Eating award. "The Bollywood Movie Awards are the best!" the former heavyweight boxing champion said. "Kamal told me he's giving me a Bollywood Award next year. I was really excited to hear that, especially when he explained to me what Bollywood is. It's like me – really big."
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