There are many kinds of leaks in the world and whether you like them or not depends largely on whether you’re on the receiving end of them. Being on the receiving end of a leak can be quite thrilling if you’re a journalist, but quite unpleasant if you’re a homeowner.
Homeowners hate leaks, whether they involve liquids or gases. My wife and I have never experienced a gas leak, thankfully, but we’ve certainly had to deal with our share of water leaks. About two years ago, we had a roof leak, causing a drip in the corner of our dining room. As a man who prides himself in his DIY (do-it-yourself) spirit, I immediately came up with a brilliant solution: “Let’s put a plant under it. Every time it rains, the plant will get watered.”
But my wife didn’t go for this. “Haven’t you killed enough plants already?” she asked.
I knew she was right. Plants do need water, but like many people in Germany and the U.K., they’re not so keen on daily showers. I knew I had to spend some money, so I went to the hardware store, looked around for just the right solution, and came home with a perfectly sized bucket. It fit snugly on a shelf under the leak, catching the drops from the ceiling. But my wife didn’t like my choice of bucket. It was the wrong color. She sent me to the store to get another bucket, giving me a few options. I could buy anything from her bucket list.
Actually, she didn’t mind the color, but viewed this as a temporary solution, even if I offered to empty the bucket daily. We soon contacted a roofing contractor, who told us we needed a new roof. It cost us as much as a new car, but at least we don’t have any more leaks from above. All we have are leaks from below. Last year, the main pipe bringing water into our home decided to spring a leak. A plumber told us that the pipe was really deep in the ground and, in order to replace it, he’d need to dig a big hole in our bank balance. I started to complain, but the plumber said, “Pipe down, sir. Digging needed.”
A leak is never a welcome sight for a homeowner. Journalists, on the other hand, don’t just love leaks, they seek them out. They build relationships with people in the government and other entities, some of whom leak valuable information anonymously. It was a government leak that allowed The New York Times to report about the security concerns that prompted President Trump to switch planes during a recent trip to Turkey, temporarily sidelining his prized gift from Qatar. Unhappy about the leak, the government attempted to obtain the phone records of the reporters, hoping to uncover the leaker or leakers. But the newspaper fought back in court successfully. The Trump administration just can’t stop any leaks — and nor can it find a big enough pair of Depends.
Perhaps the worst kind of leak is an exam leak. Nobody likes exam leaks, except those on the receiving end — those who benefit from knowing the questions in advance. Exam leaks occur periodically around the world, but surely none has caused as much controversy and distress as the 2026 NEET-UG paper leaks in India.
Students had to retake the entrance exam for medical programs. Protests ensued and the education minister was forced to resign. The government has proposed increasing the maximum prison term for exam leakers beyond the current 10 years. I propose 20 years behind bars, but with the opportunity, through good behavior, to leak out of prison sooner.
Compiled and partly written by Indian humorist MELVIN DURAI, author of the novel Bala Takes the Plunge. [Comments? Contributions? Please email us at melvin@melvindurai.com. We welcome jokes, quotes, online clips, and more.]